The following is my answer to “Build Your Own Boss” challenge. It was started by AmberMist of “Tastes Like Battle Chicken”.
It isn’t made for any game in specific. Any generic fantasy game will do. It is also meant as a parody of some of the things way too common to fantasy in general. Basically this is what happens when you mix:
1) A developer who can at best write some really atrocious fanfiction with a Mary Sue as the main character.
2) A marketing team trying to tap in the latest fad while simultaneously trying to create a new one (even if it is just like the old one!)
Born from the combined dark forces of those two is the following monstrosity…
Shelotunithu the Undead God
Shelotunithu is the main raid boss and feature character in the soon to be released expansion of some generic fantasy game. It will also feature a new player race, the vampyr.
What? Vampyrs are the same thing as vampires? No, no. They are completely different! In fact they will be The Next Big Thing! You heard it here first!
With that said, let’s look at the story of our main raid boss…
Shelotunithu used to be an human called Odanuhuos Pasiloln which in the old tongue means “Great Sun of Fire”. He was the greatest hero of the Mythological Era having done more than most can dream achieving. As Odanuhuos Pasiloln, he was mercenary, monk, pirate, ninja, pirate-ninja, ninja-pirate and even king. His accomplishments weren’t only in adventures, there were also many loves in his life, including some people that went on to become famous or still live to this day. Some examples include: Ysanaaa the infamous bikini wearing witch that lives in the snow mountains of the Shivering Peaks. They were at times enemies, lovers or both. It really depended on their mood at the time. Nisadiah Leafhawk the elf princess who still rules wisely over her people just like her parents did 500 years ago, before their tragic demise. Alerbenl Battlejuggler a great human heroine of the Mythological Era. Though not as great as Odanuhuos Pasiloln. Because…. you know… he was the greatest. Also everybody loved him more. *coughs* Anyway, there many more others too that will be revealed in due time!
Not all was glory, beautiful women, riches and ruling over people for Odanuhuos Pasiloln though. In fact the end of his mortal life was a very tragic one. It happened during the final days of the war against the necromancer Zartulon-lha. Odanuhuos Pasiloln most trusted advisor was seduced with promises of power offered by the necromancer. He poisoned the hero’s wine just a few days before the final battle. Weakened, Odanuhuos Pasiloln was only able to defeat the remainder army of 5000 undead by himself, killing Zartulon-lha and throwing the necromancer’s body at the Spitfire Volcano before dying from the poison.
The gods upon seeing that thought the loss of such a great man would be too much for the world. So they brought him back to life and turned him into a god. He filled the role of the god of battle, making new friends, rivals and lovers among the his new kin. Eventually Odanuhuos Pasiloln married with the Goddess of Beauty of that era, Netilorl. It was a short lived marriage however as once again Odanuhuos Pasiloln enemies used trickery to defeat him. This time it was all the evil gods who banded together to achieve the deed. While they invited Odanuhuos Pasiloln for an apple pie, the only thing he could not resist. While he was busy they killed Netilorl then framed Odanuhuos Pasiloln for the crime. The other gods fell for this trickery and were deeply troubled. Despite still loving Odanuhuos Pasiloln, they agreed this could not go unpunished. And so they decided to strip him of his powers and lock him deep in the earth until such a time that he admitted regretting his crime. Odanuhuos Pasiloln, of course being innocent was never able to do it.
Centuries passed until an adventurer called Eleanore Crimsonwing found the prison after taking the wrong turn returning home and founding herself lost. The adventurer ended up releasing Odanuhuos Pasiloln by accident knocking on the prison’s door. The urge to answer the door was so great that Odanuhuos Pasiloln broke the door with his bare hands.
Grateful, Odanuhuos Pasiloln told Eleanore all of his story, including the injustice done to him by the gods. The two started planning on how to get revenge for it. Also to get some apple pie. It has been too long since Odanuhuos Pasiloln had eaten any.
The task was arduous, being softened only by the love they found for each other during that time. Eventually the couple found an ancient magic tome that would give its user powers equal to the gods.
Another decade of hard work passed, just collecting all the required materials for the ritual that would give Odanuhuos Pasiloln unlimited power. Unfortunately due to a blotch in one of the pages, a missing index and a fake tear of a virgin the ritual didn’t succeed completely. Eleanore lost her life during it and Odanuhuos Pasiloln became something not truly alive nor truly dead.
Blaming the gods for this he took the name Shelotunithu which in the old tongue means “The Undead God”. His first act of revenge was to conquer a human kingdom twisting the land into a place of eternal night and transforming the people into a new race, the vampyr.
With a base of operations settled, Shelotunithu started to send his servants to capture more people to bolster his armies. Also to bring some apple pies back. It is hard to make good apple pies in a twisted land.
A few of the vampyr were able to break free from their master though. Now they are either taking arms themselves to fight or recruiting brave heroes to stop this new menace before it is too late!
Shelotunithu looks like a very pale human with red eyes. He has long black hair, wears a silk white shirt, black tight pants, gloves and boots made of black leather.
On his “True Form” (more about this below) he looks like a giant, muscular, monster with red skin, leather wings on his back, horns, claws on his hand and feet, glowing fire eyes and giant fangs. In that form he wears a black armor with details in gold. The shoulder pads has spikes with skulls on it. He also has a collar and a belt made out of skulls.
Base of Operations
Players who decide to fight against Shelotunithu will have to head to castle Whitefang located in the to top west part of the new zone called Evergloom. The castle sits on top of a hill, with the exterior looking in pretty bad shape. Inside however it is in pristine condition, with rich decoration covering every corner. It also looks a lot small, with many less rooms, than you would expect from seeing the castle from outside. Actually, from what you would expect from any castle since it only has 7 and a half rooms in a fairly linear progression. The half room being the janitor closet where they can find an optional boss, the Gelatinous Cube Janitor.
The players will have to find hordes of vampyrs throughout the rooms until they get to the last one. In there they can find Shelotunithu sitting on a throne made out of gold. Upon seeing the players he gets up and does the following speech before the fight begins:
“I am the one who slayed the great dragon A’rthotth with nothing but a rusty sword, defeated the cyclops Caugoga using only my wits and stopped the evil necromancer Zartulon-lha while I was still poisoned. Now you come here, slay my minions, gloating yourselves as heroes, thinking that you can defeat me?!? Not even the gods were able to destroy me! They had to imprison me for thousand years for they could not do it! Worry not though for your last sight will be of my beauty, intelligence, charisma and awesome power!”
During at any point in the fight, Shelotunithu may take one of his gloves off and slap the tank with it. He will also say “I challenge you for an honorable duel to the death!”. The tank realizing the crushing reality that he can never defeat Shelotunithu without the help of 39 more friends gets an “I Suck” debuff.
While under the “I Suck” debuff the tank falls into a fetal position and crying uncontrollably. To counter the debuff one or more other players will have to pat the tank in the shoulder while saying in a soothing voice that he or she is actually a good tank and there is nothing wrong on having to get 39 more friends to beat up just one guy. The highest the tank armor rating though the lesser the chance of the debuff being cured.
“I’m Too Sexy For My Shirt”
At any point during the fight Shelotunithu may rip his shirt while shouting “Try to destroy this!”. Any female character will then be mesmerized by the vision of Shelotunithu perfect chest and immediately turn against their friends as they can’t fathom the idea of losing such a unnatural beauty.
The charm will last until the fight is over or they die. If any female character survives the entire fight without dying they will immediately get a new emote “Kick Corpse” and a new ability “Knee to the Groin”* that can be used in future fights to immediately break the effects of “I’m Too Sexy For My Shirt”. It also has the effect of stunning Shelotunithu for 15 seconds and bring his HP down by 10%. It can only be used once in a fight by each character with the ability.
If there is no female character in the party then a dozen scantily clad female vampyrs will drop from the roof to attack the players. They will keep spawning until Shelotunithu is defeated.
Sometimes both of those effects may happen. That is not a bug. It is an intended feature.
* Currently in the beta it was found out that the “Knee to the Groin” can be also used against male characters in PvP and/or those who use the “Lame Pick-up Line” emote. Currently it does an insta-kill. There has been a lot of feedback on the issue and even though it wasn’t intended the development team decided to let it still be used in those circumstances. However we agreed this was too powerful so the effects have been changed to a 1 minute stun and a damage up to 90% of the target’s HP.
When Shelotunithu’s HP gets to 10% he will change to his “True Form”. When he does that Shelotunithu completely heals, all his stats, including HP, gets doubled and he gains 75% immunity against weapons and spells. The “Knee to the Groin” ability still works as normal.
If his HP drops to 50% he will say “You shall be my dinner tonight!” then grab one of the players and suck the player HP to recover himself. How much HP Shelotunithu recovers from this move depends on the targeted player’s HP.
During the “True Form” phase, Shelotunithu may still use the “I’m Too Sexy For My Shirt” ability even though he doesn’t have a shirt to rip anymore. That is not a bug. It is an intended feature.
“I vill zuck your blood!”
“You smell like apple pie!”
“Then we shall fight under the shad- oh, wait. That is copyrighted. My bad!”
“Do you like the decoration? I chose it myself!”
2 thoughts on “Build Your Own Boss Challenge: Shelotunithu the Undead God”
HAHAHAHA. Man, I may have said “I’d kill for an apple pie” once, but I didn’t actually MEAN it! The part about the raiders having to soothe the tank through the debuff made me laugh out loud for real. Nice job!
Thank you! It was fun writing it. 😀
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