It is personal to me

I almost skipped this month’s challenge from Ambermist of Tastes Like Battlechicken. The challenge of this month is basically telling about someone (or several someones!) who did something good that left some kind of mark on you.

What makes this tough isn’t so much the lack of good acts I’ve seem while playing games (or even outside it) as much as thinking of one that could be turned into an interesting narrative. Even the one I am just picking now might not fit quite well with the challenge. It is one of those that got etched into my mind and perhaps might be an interesting story to tell. Even then this post might be a bit scattered all over the place as there are a lot of different emotions attached with this memory. Well, with all my memories of those times actually. Anyhoo, let’sΒ  get to the story.

It all happened back in the old days of Lineage 2, when things were harsher, death was much more of a big deal at all levels and so on. I was just minding my own business as always when suddenly one of our clan mates said that he was just PKed by someone outside the gates of Dion. When I got there, my clan leader and a couple other members were already there. Apparently the PKer was some permared who had just gotten to one of the safe borders in Dion, thus standing in a non-PvP area.

They were already arguing about it with the PKer justifying her actions along the lines that it was “just for fun, nothing personal”. To which my clan leader replied “It is personal to me.” then proceeded to challenge the PKer for a one-on-one duel. I don’t know how the duel ended as they just ran away from town while fighting each other, all I know is they settled the dispute.

All that by itself isn’t that much of a big deal. It happens all the time in Lineage 2 even to this day. What stuck to my mind though were those words spoken by my clan leader “It is personal to me”. There were just a lot implicitΒ  things behind those words. That she would stand by us, no matter what. That our problems were her problems. That if we ever attacked that she would always come to our defense or, at a worst case scenario, to avenge us.

Again, perhaps that may not be a big deal, just something natural for a guild leader to do. In fact I was even fortunate to find some great people later on, in Everquest 2, who had that kind of attitude (you know how you are. πŸ˜‰ ). But at that time, at that particular moment with all the tension going on because of the PKing, it really stuck to me.

I’d like to say that since then I’ve tried to live up to those words. Unfortunately I can’t say I did. I am still too egoistical, too much of a lone wolf, too impatient with other people, too bitter, too disillusioned. The best I was able to achieve was trying to do the same for the few people who were very very kind as well as patient to not let that side of me to turn them away. The gods know I keep giving them plenty of reasons for that. So when they go through difficulties it is not simply their problem. It is something I will try to stand by their side, to give any support I can. Because it is personal to me.

17 thoughts on “It is personal to me”

  1. I think you left out that you are also too hard on yourself. πŸ™‚


    I am happy and honored to have met you. You probably don’t realize all the nice things you have done for so many. And nothing wrong with being grumpy from time to time anyway…keeps everyone on their toes!

    • Aw. Thanks *hugs back*

      Perhaps, I am too hard on myself. But then again I am the guy who had to deal with myself 24/7 for 31 years and who knows all the things that go inside my mind.

  2. I’ve always thought that the first thing about being a guildmaster is responsiblity, not power. I’ve always considered it my job (when I’ve been a guildmaster) to be trying to help as many of the guild members as possible, and do things that will be beneficial to the guild as a whole. This doesn’t mean I’ve ran things as a democracy more like a Monarchy with a lot of polling to try to get member input, which can be harder than you think, a lot of folks just want to play and don’t have a care about some things one way or another.

    I know in Guild Wars 2 you ended up with this position, partially cause you were the first one with a silver near a guy who could make the guild, [and partially cause you were such a great evangelist for it that you got myself and others into playing the game (and I always go out and try to drag as many old friends as I can along πŸ™‚ )] but so far, I think your doing fine.

    For our fledgling guild in GW2, there are a few more “adminstrative” things to work out, and then it should get easier. *crosses fingers*

    • Agreed about leadership. To be honest, Zef, you have been doing a remarkable job so far as our leader in Guild Wars 2. Even as small as our guild is, it is still not easy as there are so many activities to do, upgrades to get that it can be hard to get an agreement on anything.

      As for being an evangelist, it wasn’t really intentional. I write about the things I love in this blog. Guild Wars 2 was a game I fell in love since the first beta weekend, one that made me fall in love with this genre all over again. I was pretty ready to go in alone though, just waiting for it to eventually have a free trial I could try convincing people to use. Then Sabine mentioned she was playing, then you, then Sychel sent me an e-mail saying he was interested too…. Before I knew it the whole gang was there, playing too. That made me really happy. πŸ™‚

      It probably will. We have good people with us and I am pretty sure great things are in our future. πŸ™‚

  3. *Hugs* I think it’s a great story. I wish more people could say, “It’s personal to me.” People behind the avatars; it’s all too easy to forget. Thank you for sharing! πŸ˜€

  4. *hugs back* Thank you. Yes, I wish I could say the same. Which is one of the many reasons I never could get into the PvP in Lineage 2. It just bothered me that if I attacked someone out of nowhere that I could be just screwing up with their day.

    • I think the difference for me is consensual vs. non-consensual. If people join in a battleground, warzone, or in a optional PvP open area for realm vs. realm or world vs. world events, then everyone is there by choice and so killing each other isn’t going to ruin anyone’s day and it’s fun because everyone is there for the same purpose. But when you force people who don’t want to PvP into PvP areas in order to get their PvE or crafting stuff done, then it would bother me to just attack them in that situation.

      • I agree. The problem was that Lineage 2 was an open world PvP. So the only way you could be completely safe was if you stayed in town all the time. Worse, some people wouldn’t even PVP, instead using any underhanded trick to get someone else killing, like training mobs on unsuspecting people. (it was there where I learned the term…) The PK punishment was pretty light too, all things considering. Not only that but some people thrived on it. Things didn’t improve that much since then either.

        So, all in all, it was never my type of game and how I got into it to begin with is a story for another time. I am pretty happy to be in PvE games now. Open PvP games I will leave for those who prefer that type of gameplay.

  5. I always hated the “it’s nothing personal, but..” line πŸ™‚ it usually comes right before something personal, just like “I really like you, you know, but…” is usually followed by an insult. it’s just weak hedging tactics – and who is that other person anyway to decide whats personal to someone else and what is not? I’d like to think that communication goes two ways and when I am the one addressed, I get to decide about what I deem the proper reaction.

    and anyway, if something is not personal then what is it really good for? that reminds me of an old movie quote from ’email for you’ (which is a film I only ever remember for two specific lines and this one is one of them):

    Joe Fox: It wasn’t… personal.
    Kathleen Kelly: What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn’t personal to you. But it was personal to me. It’s *personal* to a lot of people. And what’s so wrong with being personal, anyway?
    Joe Fox: Uh, nothing.
    Kathleen Kelly: Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.


    • Agreed. I always kind of felt like that just have never been able to put it in words. I guess I can use your comment as a reference for it if it ever becomes necessary in the future. πŸ™‚

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